there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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