You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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