Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Panties = found
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
