I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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