I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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