so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
