Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
