Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
