I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
