I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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