You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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