Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
