I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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