can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
