did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
