He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
