Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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