he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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