I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
not ubering you a puppy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
