he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
