did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
