haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
