im drinking this country out of the recession.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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