if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
