Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
