just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
