tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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