did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
