Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
