Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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