Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
even my farts smell like vagina
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
