I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
