Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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