Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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