8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
