i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
