When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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