this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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