I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
