I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
