I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
