hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
