Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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