Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
