dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
