i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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