Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
