what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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