My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
