so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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